Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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