new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
