So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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