A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
