please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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