No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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