i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
is it fun? or sober?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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