Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You left your phone here
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