i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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