Sober January is a disaster.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
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As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
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But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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