Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
