I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
handjob tips. give me some.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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