We named our party play list daddy issues
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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