good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
