I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
