You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Randomize
