Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
