I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
