I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Randomize
