I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Randomize
