Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Randomize
