I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
