too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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