I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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