I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
