Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
