the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
