Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
