I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
whose parrot is this?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
