i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
