I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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