It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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