you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
