I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
your like the ambassador to my penis.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
