So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
