she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
