i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
