you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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