i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
