Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
