he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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