When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
