Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
