yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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