do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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