I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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