my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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