i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
