once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
