I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
3pm strippers are depressing
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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