Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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