i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
