Heybabeimwearingurpanties
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
