How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
You took a bar mat shot.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
