they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I think your dad took our porno
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Randomize
