Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
