you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found the puke drawer
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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