i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
