I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
should my penis look like a turkey
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
