I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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