also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
