it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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