Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
