I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
