She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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