just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
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just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
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I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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