I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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