im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
