Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
