she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
